Face Your Fears

Mind

In the spirit of Halloween, I thought I’d write a post about fears. Fear is such an interesting and powerful emotion – in the words of Franklin Roosevelt, “there is nothing to fear but fear itself.” Fear has its purpose, to keep us safe, but when does it become something that saves us from dying to something that controls us? When does it become something that’s holding us back?

I think this Halloween is great opportunity to look at our fears. What we’re scared of? Why we’re scared of it? How it’s affecting our decisions? What impact it’s having on our relationships? How it’s holding us back?

There are so many different types of fear. A prominent one, is the fear that we aren’t good enough – not smart enough, not pretty enough, not successful enough. The fear of people realizing, you don’t know what you’re doing. The fear of change in our life, and how it can impact our expectations and our relationships. We all have our own fears, and it’s up to us to know what they are and how they are affecting us.

One of the fears in my life has always been rats. This fear of rats was ridiculous and overwhelming. It reached its heights one night when I was in Paris, walking along la Seine. There were rats everywhere, I was surrounded by them and had to run through them to get up the ramp. I was hyperventilating and crying, a complete mess. My long time fear of rats had left me paralyzed and hysterical.

Now, I see 2-3 rats a few time times a week when I go running at the trail near my house. They don’t faze me, I no longer feel disgust or anxiety. So how did conquer this fear? I looked at where the fear came from –  I stepped on a dead rat barefoot as a kid and it developed more from there. Then I started to look at the situation with compassion and empathy – I really tried to look at the rat with understanding and love, appreciating their struggle and how hard they try to get by. Then celebrating the moments where I looked fear in the face and chose to be strong – whenever I see a rat to this day and I choose to not let fear control me, I appreciate the moment, feel proud, and celebrate the win. Here are a few tools that can help you do the same with your fears, no matter what they are.

Tools For Dealing With Fear

  • Look at what fear stands for – False Emotions Appearing Real.
    It’s not real, it’s in our heads. We’re making it real and we are allowing it into our lives. This tool can be used when we are faced with fear to say “Hey this isn’t real, I can do this.”
  • Take ownership and have awareness.
    You really need to identify the fear and understand the underlying meanings of your fear – Where does it come from? How did it develop? How is it affecting you? Does it cause you anxiety? Does it hold you back from making decisions? Is it impacting your relationships? We need to really look at ourselves and how this fear is impacting our lives.
  • Take action – Keep walking through the spider webs.
    This is astronaut Chris Hadfield’s approach – if you want to get over your fear of spiders, go walk through 100 spider webs. The first ones will be terrifying but you will get through it. If you’re scarred of something, face it and take action. Just do it, tackle it, because if you don’t face your fear it controls you. If we are scarred of something, we need to take action to stop it from holding us back. This could be anything from having to walk through spider webs, to having a hard conversation, to standing up and being yourself.
  • View it as an opportunity and challenege to succeed.
    When you face fear, every time view it as opportunity to overcome struggle. Try pushing yourself, gaining more awareness and overcoming limits. Instead of viewing change as a threat to our identity we can view as an opportunity for greatness. Know that by dealing with your fear, you will come out stronger than ever.
  • Have empathy and compassion.
    Have empathy and compassion for yourself. Having an understanding of where your fear came from and those involved. Look at how you developed the fear and have empathy for those people in the situation. Having understanding, empathy and compassion for those people, what happened to them and why they have projected onto you. When you are faced with fear or moments that trigger your fears, take an approach of empathy and compassion.
  • Celebrate the win.
    When you face fear and make steps towards conquering it, feel the accomplishment and be proud of yourself. Celebrate the moment. The first time I had a rat run in front of me and didn’t feel scared but instead just looked at it and saw it was just trying to get by, it was incredible. I was so proud, I was yelling “Pow, pow, pow!” in the street, I jumped into Daniel’s arms and he spun me around. I was ecstatic and really appreciated how far I’ve come. I think it’s important that we celebrate the wins.

This halloween I think it’s a great occasion for us to all look at our fears and how they affect our life. What are your fears and how can you take action?

With love,

Lucy

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